Things I Said I'd Never Do (Out Loud)

What do you want to be when you grow up?

That's a loaded question. I still don't know the answer to that one, and supposedly I'm a grown up. When we're kids, the answers are relatively easy. We want to be astronauts, movie stars, fire fighters, dancers, doctors, etc. Why? Because at the time it sounds cool, or we look up to someone who does one of those things, or because we can't come up with anything else -- the answers come flying out of our mouths like word vomit. ​We've also been taught that we can be anything and do anything we put our minds to. This is a nice sentiment, but it is undoubtedly false.

"I WANNA BE AN AIRPLANE!!!!"
That's great Timmy, you'll make a fine airplane.

Don't lie to Timmy!!! That's just mean. Not that we shouldn't believe in ourselves, but a realistic outlook on life is healthy. You can chase that dream of being an airplane all you want, but eventually reality will set in and you will be sorely disappointed. And likely locked away in a padded room. 


Let's step away from the absurd for a moment and go back in time, shall we? If I could have a conversation with myself at various stages in my life about my career path, it would likely go something like this:
​
Me (Present Day): "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
7-year-old Jamie: "I want to be a detective!"
Me: "Really? Why do you want to be a detective?"
7-year-old Jamie: "Because I read a few detective books with cool pictures in the library, and it looks like fun!"
Me: (*Pats 7-year-old Jamie on the head*) "That's real cute."
7-year-old Jamie: "I have a trench coat and a hat!"
Me: "Of course you do...................(*says under breath*) nerd........."

Really dumb, but I was 7. That answer was acceptable at that moment in time. My trench coat was awesome, by the way.


Me (Present Day): "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
8-year-old Jamie: "I want to be a doctor!"
Me: "Are you sure about that?"
8-year-old Jamie: "Ummmmmm..........I change my mind. I want to be a movie star!"
Me: (*Face palm*) "Well that didn't last long.............."

Okay.........starting to fall into the artistic trap..............it was only a matter of time.


Me (Present Day): "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
12-year-old Jamie: "I want to be on Broadway!"
Me: "But you don't have the right kind of voice for that and you have no formal dance training."
12-year-old Jamie: "You don't know what you're talking about! My music teacher says that I'm going to be a star!"
Me: (*Rolls eyes and walks away*)

Family full of doctors and I choose the career of a starving artist. And not even a career I was capable of pursuing. SO special.


Me (Present Day): "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
17-year-old Jamie: "I still want to be on Broadway!"
Me: "Look......we've been over this. You don't have the right kind of voice for that and you have no formal dance training. Plus, this is an incredibly difficult life to lead. Do you really want to audition for the rest of your life? You hate auditions!"
17-year-old Jamie: "But I love Broadway. I have to at least try. I'll look like a failure if I don't at least try to make it."
Me: (*Sigh*) "This will not end well............."

What the literal eff was I thinking? I would really like to slap 17-year-old Jamie. Hard.


Me (Present Day): "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
20-year-old Jamie: "I've decided that jazz is really where my passion and talents lie, but I know that it will be difficult to make a living solely on music. So I'm going into the business side of things for stability, but will still write and perform since it's my passion."
Me: "That seems like a much better plan than your hairbrained Broadway idea. I have to ask though...........when you say you are 'going into the business side of things,' what exactly do you mean? Any particular area of business?"
20-year-old Jamie: "Ummmm.............well............you know...........music business. Like probably artist management or working for a record company."
Me: "You may want to narrow that down a bit, but okay. Also, you know that artist management is sort of like glorified babysitting, and record companies are dying, right?"
20-year-old Jamie: (*Stares blankly*)
Me: "Nevermind..............do me a favor though.............you know those things you really don't want to do? Things like teaching? You are not allowed to say out loud that you will never do those things. It will come back to bite you in the ass..........hard................just trust me."

I remember hearing people say things like "never say never" when I was growing up, but I guess I never took them seriously. You don't tempt fate like that. I've learned that the hard way. Woof. 


Me (Present Day): "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
22-year-old Jamie: "Dude. Eff if I know. I'm just trying to find a job that doesn't involve waiting tables."
(I definitely ended up waiting tables for awhile, by the way.)
Me: "Did you remember that thing I told you.......about not saying out loud that you will never do something? Please tell me you didn't screw that up............"
22-year-old Jamie: "I may or may not have said some things................why?"
Me: "Dammit Jamie!!! The one thing I told you NOT to do."


Things I said I'd never do (out loud):

1. Work at a church. I have a bit of a rough history with this. Karma is a big ol' b*tch, because my very first job out of college was working at a church as a band leader. I actually ended up working at two churches. I was being smited. 

          (Smited? Smote? Smitten? No, that's not it...............sh*t...........whatever............)

1. Teach. I just never saw myself in this role. I didn't want to do it, and no matter what my financial situation was, I was determined to not go into this line of work. I taught private music lessons for over 2 years. 
2. Go to grad school. I didn't need it. There was no reason for me to go. Why waste the time and the money on a useless degree? I hit a wall near the end of 2012, and what did I do? I decided to pursue an MBA. 
3. Live in the south. Karma was really mean to me on this one...............the MBA program I ended up in was located in Nashville. I'm glad I ended up getting my MBA, and I liked my school, but I truly did not like being in that area at all. It just didn't fit me. Now I didn't live directly in Nashville, which was touristy as hell, but I was just outside of it. My particular area was a quirky mix of seemingly conflicting southern cultures -- houses with proudly displayed Confederate flags, competing Ranchera music blared almost nightly, and a racist ice cream man. (I kid you not, the ice cream man would switch from the standard playlist to La Cucaracha once he hit the neighborhood. Messed. Up.) Oh, and let's not forget the "stabby shooty" bar that was right down the street. This place had been in the news multiple times for various types of murders. 

So what have I become as a "grown up?" I'm a musician who is also an amalgamation of every single damn thing I said I'd never do. The place I work now...............I wrote a screw you letter to them about 6 years ago and swore I'd never step foot on the premises again. Jamie you idiot!!!!!!!

But here's the thing.............even though my life has not been what I thought it would be so far, it's been what I need. Out of every single thing I said I'd never do I have learned incredibly valuable lessons, had amazing experiences, and met wonderful people. Life has a funny way of giving you what you need, even if it's not wrapped up in the package you expected. The trick is learning how to make the most of what you're given. But I can almost guarantee that you will not grow up to be an airplane...................just sayin'.