According to "The Knot," Will and I will be "tying the knot" in 50 days! See what I did there? I'm rusty — don't judge me.
About two months ago I got what they call "wedding brain" or "bride brain." If you haven't heard of it, it's a very real thing and it's EXHAUSTING. I can't seem to get enough sleep, and even if I do get a decent night's sleep it's filled with dreams about wedding stuff. Someone flipped the switch on my brain and turned it onto a channel where they play wedding crap 24/17. It. Never. Stops. I have multiple spreadsheets. Yes, multiple. Checklists, timelines, addresses, you name it. I have gone insane.
Granted, people ask me about the wedding and how the wedding planning is going all the time, but I've started to notice that I am able to turn any conversation into something to do with the wedding. I don't mean to, but I do. Somehow small talk with my friends, co-workers, bartenders, mail men, homeless men, etc. becomes about the wedding. "I don't have any cash on me. And even if I did, I still have a million decorations, accessories and gifts to buy for the wedding. Sorry homie!" You get the idea.
Poor Will gets it the worst though. I'm so focused on everything that needs to be done that I can't seem to focus on much of anything else. It's a constant barrage of, "What song are you and your mom dancing to at the wedding? Why haven't these people RSVP'd? What gifts are you going to get for the groomsmen? Should we just do beer and wine or should we also have a cash bar for liquor? Do you think we need an aisle runner? WHY HAVEN'T THESE PEOPLE RSVP'D???!!!" Ugh.
There was a big blowup in the family where it became very apparent that we were all stressed and hadn't been communicating very well, which manifested in an ugly way. Fortunately we were able to move on pretty quickly and open up the lines of communication. So after moving on from that, and spending a whirlwind weekend in Ohio for dress fittings, a wedding shower, venue visits to ask questions, etc., I feel like things are starting to fall into place. Sure there are still several little details to nail down, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I still have wedding brain, but now I'm getting really excited. In 50 days I get to marry my best friend and the love of my life. That's pretty freakin' awesome. There will still be stressful days, but in the end all that matters is me and Will, the next chapter in our adventure together, and celebrating it with the people we love. And for those extra stressful days there's always whiskey.
I'm an "adult," or so I've been told. I do "adult" things, I have an "adult" job, I pay bills, and I drink bourbon and wine. I have great friends and family, an amazing husband, and generally a pretty good life. I have achieved many things, yet so little at the same time. I'm in my 30s, yet I feel more clueless than when I graduated college. This is how I "adult."