I'm gonna keep this short y'all. I am, how you say..........le tired.
Some days I lose my give-a-damn, and today is one of those days. Nothing is wrong -- I'm just exhausted. It's been a crazy few months, and things are about to get crazier. Like WAY crazier.
You know what sounds good right now? Canceling all obligations and plans. A nap. A big bottle of bourbon. A vacation. Another big bottle of bourbon. And probably another nap.
Well maybe not all plans, but the ones I don't feel like following through on. You know............."those plans." John Mulaney puts it best when he says that "in terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin." SO true.
But all of those things sound good -- in that order.
I just feel like I need to hit the reset button -- power cycle or something. It's really hard to truly relax when you're a planner and your brain is constantly creating lists. I see them in my sleep sometimes.........it's not cool. My brain has been on overdrive lately and I think it's really close to going on strike. I feel you buddy............I feel you..............
So this is short, and probably seems like a fairly pointless blog post.........because it is. I just need a week off from my "oh so important" blog.
Besides.........you'll all survive one week without my psychobabble. You probably won't even miss me. I'm okay with that. I'm an adult. I don't need you to like me!!!
The insecure part of me desperately wants you to like me, but I'm ignoring her right now. She's dumb.
I digress. Until next week kiddos. Jamie out.
Person who sucks at life: "I fixed the thing. I think it looks SOOO good!"
Me: (Looks at thing. Compares it to previous thing. Sees virtually no changes. Tries to remain calm.) "Ummmmm....can you maybe take another stab at it and keep X, Y and Z in mind?"
Person who sucks at life: "But I'm SO busy. I'm much busier than you. Everything I do is important. (Insert random whining and word vomit)"
Me: (Wonders if 10am is too early to start drinking) "Okay.........but you see, this isn't really my thing. And I'm not even sure what you want the thing to be. So you kind of have to do the thing so I can do my thing."
Person who sucks at life: "But I can't!!!!!!!!!!" (Disappears for an undisclosed amount of time and leaves me with the thing.)
I imagine that conversation with the person sounding like one of the characters from Teen Girl Squad. Now you can't un-hear it. You're welcome. SOOO GOOD!!!
I am clearly paraphrasing in a ridiculous way and being as nonspecific as I possibly can, because this applies to many aspects of my life, but this kind of stuff for real happens to me on a regular basis. I also want to throw it out there that I am generally younger than all of the people in these situations. Many of them are twice my age or older. I hate to sound like a basic white girl here, but I literally can't even. How do you still act like that much of a child at that age? When I was growing up, not one single freaking person warned me about this very important thing: Age does not equal intelligence or maturity.
It would've been much easier if I just grew up assuming that I would constantly have to deal with stupid people. That no matter the age, the field, the level of education, the location, etc., there will always be those self-important a-holes whose sole purpose in life is to make you want to drink at 10am. Maybe if I had been better prepared I could be a little more numb to it by now. Maybe..........
As if it weren't bad enough to just have to deal with these people, you are also expected to be nice to them and treat them like the precious flowers that they think they are. AND they usually make more money than you for less work, which is generally lower in quality. Apparently this is part of adulting.
That whole brain to mouth filter thing we're all supposed to have.........well mine is definitely broken. I think I missed a recall or something. Apparently that filter is part of whatever signals my brain sends to the muscles in my face, because that is also broken. I can't control my own face!!! Is there some sort of disease that causes this? Facial incontinence? IS THAT A THING???!!!
Among the involuntary faces that I make, the ones that are most commonly in the lineup can be demonstrated most accurately by Robert Downey, Jr..
The "I Can't Even" face.
Which is why I often fantasize about the following type of scenario.........
Person who sucks at life: "(Insert random word vomit)"
Me: "Yeah................about that.................not my problem. You might have to actually do the thing you get paid for this time."
Person who sucks at life: "But MEHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! (Insert whining and more random word vomit)"
It is a very harsh reality that there is nowhere you can go to escape these types of people. I've been in denial about it for years and am finally realizing that I'm stuck with them. The hardest part for me is learning when to just let it go.
(Frozen immediately popped into my head when I typed that phrase, which makes me want to stab myself. My brain can be so cruel sometimes.)
Sometimes you do need to let things go, but there are also times when you absolutely should draw a line in the sand. Part of growing up and adulting is learning how to respect yourself. And then there are the times when you just have to pat that idiot on the head, tell them they're pretty, and move on. (Make it patronizing as hell -- they won't know. These people are usually not very perceptive.) Turns out that letting that idiot ruin your day is not worth it in the scheme of things. But on those particularly rough days..................bourbon. Lots and lots of bourbon.
I'm an "adult," or so I've been told. I do "adult" things, I have an "adult" job, I pay bills, and I drink bourbon and wine. I have great friends and family, an amazing husband, and generally a pretty good life. I have achieved many things, yet so little at the same time. I'm 30, yet I feel more clueless than when I graduated college. This is how I "adult."