Oh hey guys. It's been awhile. How've you been???
My creative efforts have been focused on other things lately, so that's why I've been MIA. Plus, no one pays me to write my blog, so there's that.......
Lately I have found myself going back and forth between moments of what seems like total clarity and peace, and stress and uncertainty. The clarity and peace are fantastic, because I don't think I've felt much of that in my adult life so far. But the "mood swings" between the two mindsets have wreaked havoc on my body. Happy body to angry body, especially back and forth equals no bueno. One day I'm content and totally sure of what I'm doing with my life, and the next I'm like, "well, I'm here. Let's see how this goes I guess." But every time I question myself to see if I would've done anything differently, the answer is a firm no. So why the stress and uncertainty?
Well, I'm a musician, for one -- that line of work is about as firm as quicksand. No need to elaborate on that one.
Debt doesn't help either. The minute I think I've got it on a path to being paid off, I go in for an oil change (or some other routine thing in life) and they're like, "That'll be $800 please. Your car is not in as great a shape as you thought it was when you bought it. " Well that's just great. Thanks. (*Grumbles obscenities on the way out*)
One of the biggest contributors is that I have always been TERRIBLE about letting others' negativity affect me. I can be in a great place and one dumb comment from someone will drag me right back down. It's like an extra strength vacuum trying to suck me back in, while I'm clinging onto Will and Mozzie going, "don't let them take me!!!" It's annoying and I hate it. Plus, some people are just really crappy and they need to go away -- like far, FAR away. They can all go live on negativity island somewhere where they will eventually all kill each other with their negative negativeness..............
That got ridiculous. Oh well.
I also haven't been able to workout as regularly as I would like to lately, which generally helps with combatting the negativity -- so I'm definitely feeling the effects of that.
But oh those moments of clarity and peace...........where I don't let the stressors of life and the outside junk get to me...............where I am focused on what's truly important in life (and am truly grateful for it)...........where I don't let the negativity of others bring me back into a darker place.............where I just enjoy my good fortune and the love that is in my life..............and just happily exist. Those moments are incredible. I have found that they are becoming more frequent, and maybe it means I'm getting better at letting go of the negativity. I sure do hope so -- that stuff is toxic.
Maybe the clarity and peace is coming with age and the wisdom to finally realize what's important in life. That money and career aren't everything, and that maybe we should take a harder look at what's right in front of us and stop taking it for granted. That life is too short to dwell on things that don't matter, and that those negative people are just misguided and unhappy with themselves.
I can actually feel some of the negativity starting to float away as I write this. Maybe I needed a little writing therapy. Also, Mozzie is snuggled up to me as I write this, so that helps. Sometimes we just need to recalibrate and refocus. I'm going to go love on my people more.
I'm an "adult," or so I've been told. I do "adult" things, I have an "adult" job, I pay bills, and I drink bourbon and wine. I have great friends and family, an amazing husband, and generally a pretty good life. I have achieved many things, yet so little at the same time. I'm 30, yet I feel more clueless than when I graduated college. This is how I "adult."